I have a dream..

Dramatic title, one might say. Yet I could not think of anything better to describe the total submission to God, to serve as His humble servant. Below I shall attempt to describe my testimony of experiencing Him.

Warning: Don't read it if you think this article is not your cup of tea.

Recently my dear friend Kimberley wrote on her blog that she wants to set up a ministry where it could serve as a platfrom for volunteers to drop by to find anything that they could contribute and help in their own time and capacity. Read it all here. Personally I think it is a great idea. Like what she said, indifference is what makes people who do not really care from people who devote themselves to do good work.

Now, let me ask you a question: What is your purpose of living?

Is it to continue the endless cycle of studying, getting a degree, working, earning a living, marrying someone, raising a family, retiring and dying? Like almost every reasonable person on Earth does?
Is it because you do not have much choice anyway?
Is it because we are destined to be born here on Earth, so let's just screw it and live life as meaningfully as possible?
Or like the famous Agent Smith of The Matrix Trilogy puts it: " The purpose of life is to end. " ?

I've been trying to find an answer to that question for quite a number of years, and everytime I get closer to an answer I'm suddenly confused and lost again. Do you know the feeling of wanting to say something and then something distracts you, then when you want to remember what it is but then you couldn't? It is frustrating and annoying, is it not?

Then recently, I had an eureka moment, like the moment when you suddenly remember what you want to say and you continue chatting happily. The moment that changed everything.

I kept coming to a dead end when trying to answer my own question. Why do we even exist? Why do we live? Why? God, tell me. Tell me! That was what I did, for quite a number of years.

I had a dream in Form One (2003). I dreamt of a place, a bright place full of mist. There was nothing else, only white clouds and mist. Then I saw a man in white robes. He had shoulder-length auburn brown hair and a perfectly good complexion. A face of justice, of love, of mercy, of everlasting grace. I didn't know who He was. He dipped His hands in a bowl of oil held by a winged servant, and placed His two fingers on my forehead. In short, He annointed me. Then He said: "Welcome to the family."

I woke up feeling dazed. I didn't know what the dream meant. I was sceptical of myself, and I remembered thinking: Whoa, did that just happen? Nay, its only a dream. I thought I might have made the dream up.

I heard of the Gospel since Form Two (2004). Back then, being a cynical and sometimes sarcastic person, I would scoff and try to debate with my friend Samantha when she tried to tell me the Divine Truth, the Good News. Back then I was annoyed with how Christians seemingly try to reject other people's faiths and proclaim theirs is the righteous path. Now I know the reason why. Funny how when you look at things through different viewpoints, things that seem so one-sided suddenly becomes whole and wonderful.

Moving on.

In Form Four (2006), another friend Kimberley (this one being different from Kimberley Ngu, the one who had the whole ministry idea thing) gave me a bible and asked me to read it. Read it, I did. Little by little my heart opened, and I told Him: "Okay, if You're really THE One, prove it." Sometimes, I prayed. Sometimes, I totally forgot about Him. At times of great difficulties, when the odds are stacked against me and I felt breathless, I prayed for help. Then I forgot about Him again.

Now that I think of it, not a single one of my prayer went unanswered. He was always there. ALWAYS.

Then, during Form Five (2007), my faith in everything wavered. I forsook the belief in ancient Chinese deities. I forgot about Him either. I did not want to be tied down to anything. I thought back then, why believe in anything as long as you try to be a good person? So I lived a life of apparent freedom, of not believing in anything. I tried desperately to reach out to Him, desperate for a contact. I remember how I prayed desperately for something. I remembered saying to Him: God, if you really want me to believe in You, show me a sign, guide me. Show me a miracle. Give me a guide. Show me the way. Just, answer me! Please! Answer meeeeeeee.... He never did. So I threw up my arms in disbelief and gave up. I thought, what a scam. Yet something told me that in the end, I would have to change my mind.

During my stint in National Service (2008), they took us to the Buddhist temple every Sunday (I decided to follow and see what Buddhism is really like). I like it the premise of Buddhism, of the all encompassing compassion and everlasting wisdom of Buddha. I started to live like I had a faith. I started to see things the Buddhist way - compassion, tolerance and ideal merits. It went on until I was offered JPA scholarship. Off I go to Kolej Teknologi Timur.

I guess it all started in KTT. God works in mysterious ways. He led me back to Him at the most unusual place (isolated KTT), in the most unexpected of times. I started going to Christian fellowship, more so as courtesy rather than actually wanting to go myself. Since most of the time my friends were going as well, it felt rather un-gentleman-like not to attend.

I found out that Christians are not what I thought of them to be. They were not arrogant (though some might be) and they were not suspicious of people from other faiths. In fact, they were generous, friendly, warm and kind. Christians really do treat strangers as family, but of course it applies to where, when and whom are we talking about. So slowly, I opened my heart to listen to different ideas. Of why they believe God and why they do the things they do. I understood the passion. I understood why they so desperately want to try to tell people of the Gospel, of the Good News. (because God so loves us, He sent His only Son to die for us. We shall have everlasting life if we believe, if we just believe. How wonderful!)

Then one night, that fateful night, something happened. On 12th of December 2008, I stayed for a while to help arrange the chairs after another fellowship meeting. Some of the commitee members stayed as well. We had a prayer session. We sat in a circle. Every one prayed. I started feeling an undescribable feeling. A feeling of regret. Of guilt. Of great glory and power. I didn't understand it. When it came to my turn, I doubted how I could muster the strength to speak to Him after so long. I prayed out loud for the first time. It was a strange feeling, of how one could speak without thinking. It felt like my lips were not mine. Then my mental defences crumbled and I shook, and tears came streaming down from my eyes like torrents of rain. I couldn't do anything to control it. I felt like a sinful child who faces his father, like a child who's crying and afraid. I felt as if the father faces me sternly and said,"Where have you been? I've been waiting for so long!" He was stern yet kind. Then as a loving father he embraced the child. That's what I felt. I felt a rush of grace, of everlasting love that fills my soul. So I shook and trembled and cried for who knows how long. Cried in joy. Tears of relief.

After that experience, I knew that God is really there, He's been patiently guiding me, He's been patiently showing me the way. I was so lucky to be given the scholarship. I was so lucky to be at KTT. I was so lucky to be there where there were so many brothers and sisters who led me and guided my way. He showed me the way, one step at a time. He blessed my life with abundance - I have a loving family, true friends and now, a life with purpose. A life with a direction.

Remember the dream I had? Jesus told me I am going to be part of His family. When I remembered the dream some time ago, I was filled with such wonder and joy. He had told me in advance that everything will be alright.

So now, I live life with purpose. Knowing full well that everything has been planned for me, I no longer have the doubts about life. Whenever I am studying and toiling, I no longer think "what the hell is all this for? A medical degree? A life as a doctor? Is it even worth it?". I no longer brush off simple things that are often overlooked. For I have Him as my guide. Ever since that night, there is a great peace in my heart. There is no longer the restless, demonic monster within me. There is no longer the dark chamber. It has been filled with light.

Let us go back the the title. Sorry for such a long detour.

I remembered to serve as His humble servant if He makes me believe. I remembered how I prayed that I would serve Him if only He could show Himself to me. Now that I am a believer, I want to honour that promise, so I thought of ways to serve Him. Then, on a fateful chance excursion to Kim's blog, I read about the ministry. Something told me, Bingo! This is it!

To make it simple I shall quote a chapter from Bible - Matthew 25.

"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

"Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.'

"They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'

"He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'

"Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life."

You see, Jesus wants us to do good to our fellow brothers and sisters. It is reason enough for me to do what I want to do. I intend to set up a charitable organisation to serve the needy. I want to help those in need, those that are powerless and those who deserve better. Since I am going to be a doctor in the future (God willing), I think I could put the skills to a good use. I want to set up a foundation if it grows bigger. Then we could collaborate with existing charitable societies and organisations. What makes it different is the approach. Most people are indifferent about doing good. What Kim intends to do is a channel for people to come and help, be it in little ways or big ways. We would organise a lot of events and people could just drop by to see what they could do in their capacity. Say, we would want to build an orphanage. People could volunteer to chip in some donation, or donate some furniture, or come and help to run the place when they're free. We could also help with existing organisation, for example, The Kejara Soup Kitchen. Maybe we could recruit some young volunteers from youth fellowship to help out on the weekends or holidays.

Do you see where I am getting to?

It is just an idea, a wild, far-fetched idea. Yet my heart tells me, someday, I am going to do it in His name. There is so much injustice and so many needy people in this world. Everyone is so indifferent. Could there be not some grace, some compassion, some love? We are human in essence. If we could not help ourselves, then who are we in the universe?

I have set my mind on the mission. Even if it seems so impossible, but I am sure we could do it. People might think: "You so free ah, go and do charity?" or "You won't make it laaa" but I just have the faith.

And so, I have told of my dream. It is a sketchy idea but I am trying to get a clear picture of it. Right now Kimberley is going to Australia soon and I am going to Czech Republic next year (if God wills it). So we are putting the dream on hold. Yet I will not give up or forsake the dream.

On 12th December 2008, I became a believer. God is all-encompassing, eternal and full of love.


John 3:16 - For God so loved the world He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life.

Of painful arse and ice skating

Anyway, me and my siblings have been having great fun shopping for clothes these few days. Shopping malls offer incredible deals in a bid to outdo each other. Apparently the period after Christmas and New Year is the best time of the year to shop. B.U.M shirts for just RM15, a decent wool Diesel jacket for RM44, jeans for RM49 (!!!) to name a few. I think my sister and brother spent quite a few hundred ringgit on me alone (yes, I did not pay a single cent out of my pockets, bless them for being such generous) for my clothes. Personally I have not had such a great experience where one just walks for hours on end, searching for deals and grabbing whatever one could find and pay for. So in just two days' time, we scoured One Utama, Midvalley Megamall, Suria KLCC and Sunway Pyramid for clothes, clothes and more clothes. What a blast! My feet hurt. My arse is bloody painful too. Before you fail to see the connection between painful arse and RM15 T-shirts, let me recount my first experience at ice skating. Yes, we tried ice skating at the ice skating rink at Sunway Pyramid.

Let's just say, it wasn't as easy as I thought, it was terribly difficult, it was really bloody slippery on the ice, and I slipped and fell many more times than I could as much as slide 2 inches without grabbing on anything. At first I didn't, which was a bad choice, because the feeling of wildly flailing your arms and kicking your legs pathetically in a bid to stop yourself from falling (which is stupid, really, ice has nil friction) is really numbing and paralysing. Even when I held on to the side wall and tried to move forward, my feet would inevitably do the Irish jig again and off I go, waving frantically before catapulting in a splendid, graceful 'thud' that made the surrounding people go 'Ouch!' (people, its my arse, not yours).

I fell many times. How embarassing. I wonder how those people make it seem so easy, gliding like graceful swans over a blue crystal lake. They would weave in and out of the main crowd, swerve in a beautiful arch and make impressive moves that make people stare and pick their jaws off the rink.

In the end I decided to circle the rink for just 3 times before calling it quits. I decided I am just not cut out for ice skating. I would sooner learn ice skating than monkeys taking over the world. My back and arse aches and it is bloody painful to even sit down. Dang.

Moving on.

I suddenly have an urge to write something long. I shall do it in the next post.

Australia = awesome!

I have nothing much to post about, so I shall keep it short.

Australia, starring Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman, is an awesome, mind-blowing movie. At the very least, it really is a movie of epic proportions and does portray Australia as a rough yet romantic country. The story premise is carefully balanced to include subtle messages of Australia's darker secret - the forceful removal of Aboriginal children from their native land and integrating them into the white society - while at the same expressing the raw love a lady has for her non-biological son and the romance between two seemingly incompatible people - a rowdy yet charming drover and a prim-and-proper English lady.

Nicole Kidman delivered a stellar performance as Lady Sarah Ashley, as expected, while Hugh Jackman did The Drover justice by portraying a free-spirited drover who is smitten by the lady. The story basically revolves around how Lady Ashley goes to Australia to save her cattle estate from taken over by a scheming business mogul and along the way, it includes the aboriginal flavour by casting Brandon Walters as young Nullah, an energetic young Aborigine boy who also plays an integral part in the film. From an apparently simple plot, the film evolves suddenly towards the middle end part and takes an unexpected twist when the Japanese attacked Darwin. It is then when heroism takes centre stage and the theme of love is expressed strongly.

I highly recommend this film, not only for the excellent acting, good storyline and interesting message, but also for the fact that it is one of the rare gems of movies that can make a lasting impression.

Yes, yes, yes!

No, I know what you're thinking. That is not what you think it is. It is definitely not the moans of someone in the throes of passion. Revolting, that is.

Well, its Christmas and KTT decided to grant us a much needed reprieve from the A2 (horribly difficult but strangely addictive). We have holidays all the way until new year! That is, if you do not consider the fact that we have to go back on 30th and 31st for 2 Physics period. What a shame, otherwise it would've been a 11-holiday for us. Gasp! That's longer than Chinese New Year and mid-semester holiday!

Life goes on. Anyway, just went to The Curve with my sister. Initially I wanted to join the countdown event but decided against it due to the swelling crowd and foul-smelling air. I bought 2 music CD's and a book - The Case for a Creator. Wonderful read, highly recommended for all of you out there who are sceptics of His presence and demand a scientific and logical explanation of why we think God exists. Its a good buy, perfect for the occassion - for tomorrow is Christmas! Rejoice for He who is King of Kings was born on this day! I am still amazed by His grace. If chance presents itself, I shall blog about it and tell of my testimony of His greatness some other time.

Well my sister and I watched a movie - Yes Man, starring Jim Carrey (which explains the blog title). In my humble opinion, its one of those comedy gems that will get you laughing and guffawing througout the duration of the movie.

In this movie, Jim Carrey stars as Carl Allen, who always says 'no' to things and makes up excuses. In short, he wasn't living a life he should've lived. That is, until he went to a motivational talk and starts challenging himself to say 'yes' to everything. Life for Carl takes a sharp turn as opportunities he never had before starts knocking at his doorstep and Carl suddenly finds himself attracted to a free spirit, Allison. The ending is as good as the start of the movie, where the plot eventually builds up into the climax, twists and turns (albeit rather ridiculously) into the conflict part and ends with a bang. I'd say this is one of Jim Carrey's best performance ever, ever since "Eternal Sunshine on the Spotless Mind". Zooey Deschanel was stellar as Allison, Carl's love interest. She was stunningly beautiful in the movie and managed to portray an adventurous girl who loves to do spontaneous things. In a nutshell, Yes Man comes off as a very good comedy with all the right amount of elements thrown in - hilarious antics (and I mean, really hilarious), interesting plot and professional actors. Highly recommended :)

I'll stop blogging now. I need to transfer some music into my new iPod. Speaking of which, my sister gave me one for Christmas! (Actually I asked her to help me buy one, since there was a promotion - RM299 for iPod Nano 4GB.) I've been wanting one for ages. Finally I have one!

Time to start fiddling with it.. Thank you, Lord!

Going back to a life of peace, tranquility and books.

I'm going back soon. In 6 hours, my life would go back to what it has been for the past 5 months. Endless reading and re-reading of books. Constant revision of past year papers. My world has been revolving around nothing but the thought of passing AS. I don't even know the results yet, but soon the whole lot of us would be studying A2 already.

Endless grind of books. Somehow it takes things off my mind. Even though it is tough, life is simpler when you have nothing to do save for revising lessons and reading. There's no classroom politics, no backstabbing, no emotional friendship drama, no stupid puppy love scenarios, no regrets.

I managed to spend time with old friends during the 1-measly-week-holiday. If you call that a holiday. It didn't feel like it, for all I know. There's just this unexplained weariness and grief, bordering on dread. It has been growing on my mind ever since the holiday started, sort of like how weeds grow unchecked in a beautiful flower garden. The thoughts clouded my mind and rendered me exhausted. Yet exhausted of what, I know not. It feels like I'm weary of everything. Exhausted, in essence and in soul.

Words can't describe what I intend to express. It would be two months before I come back again. Sigh.

Lyrical emotions.

Feelings that feel almost lyrical in nature, as memories stir themselves up from the deep slumber in the catacombs of my endless void. As I sit listening to The Fray and typing away, I cannot help but feel nostalgic. Suddenly there is this gush of sheer sadness, borne out of nothing and without reason. I cannot find the answer to it.

Why such reckless sadness? Perhaps I should not listen to such music so often.

Speaking of which, these few days I've been busy bringing three of my friends from KTT for a short trip around Kuching. We arrived here at around 6 p.m. Then we went to walk around the Golden Triangle area near Riverfront. Yesterday morning we went to the cultural village near Damai beach. It was quite worth it, entrance fee being RM15 and all. We went to Jalan Song at night. This morning was spent visiting the Sarawak Museum and the handicraft shops fronting the river (forgot what's the road's name). Then, sent them off at airport. All was well. I think our friendship was strengthened somewhat, feeling that I know them better now.. It was a good experience. Priceless memories too..

I guess I just suddenly realised how fragile friendship is. Though one might nurture it like a young sapling and it might have endured countless storms, chances are that one day, out of neglect, the young tree shall wither. Then imagine the agony that would arise - its magnitude would be beyond words. Then there's the inevitable situation where friendships become mere passing acknowledgement of each others' existence, just because of distance. On the other hand, there is also the inevitable withering of many friendships when my A level course finishes. Hard and ugly truth is, we will not be sent to the same university. God knows what would happen then. Start life anew? Life goes on? That would pretty much be what I would say were not for my coming of age into a whole new future.

I have learnt that friendships aren't something you take for granted and can just ignore. Over the past 5 months I have learned that some things in life may appear less than their worth. So one moment you might be laughing along with them, sharing their joys and all, then suddenly the next moment you are all alone, thinking: what happens when we part? When we pour out the effort to nurture something from scratch, a part of us hopes it would grow into something meaningful and could be part of our lives. Yet when the circumstances do not allow it, it could be reduced to ashes.

Call me emotional and too romantic (not the lovey dovey sense) for my own good, but seriously, if one is human enough, such questions inevitably arise. Gone are the days when I would think that I can survive on my own, that life goes on. I would pull a mask of defiance over my real face, and over the years I have perfected the art of not caring and in the process became immune to such petty issues. Living in KTT changed the way I perceive life. There's more to life than withdrawing into your own coccoon and not caring. For all of us are humans. In the end we tend to stick together to others, we tend to share joy and pain and we tend to huddle together in the dark. We tend to look for some sign of reassurance when we are confused while treading on the path towards the unknown. Knowing full well that studying medicine would pretty much rip apart our social lives in the future, we look at each other and ask: " Is this worth it? Why are we even here?"

Even though the answer eludes most of us, we know that we are not alone in thinking about that. That is how my deeper understanding of life came about - from the most basic of human interaction that fills our daily lives, our understanding of friendship gradually shapes itself into something substantial that can be grasped.

Friends are those who are equally confused as you are as you walk along the path of life. Friends are the people, whom you know for only months, celebrate your birthday with grandeur and go to the extent of springing a trap, preparing and pouring smelly gooey stuff on you just to celebrate your coming of age, of finally becoming 18. Friends are people who walk alongside you, who, in their togetherness of one ultimate aim, become comrade-in-arms with you. Inevitably they would part to carry on their own seperate paths.

As I waved goodbye to my friends when I sent them off at the airport, I suddenly felt heavy blows of anguish, pain beyond words. Be it imagination (I really hope it is) or some premonition of things yet to come, I realised that would be how it would feel like when the day arrives.

***

That is exactly why such sadness evolved from the mere thought of parting, because, in essence, I am a human again. And being human subjects me to sorrow.

I'm back.. finally.

The feelings can't be described by words. Its just.. amazing. Two words sum it up:

I'm home.

Too dazed to blog, will update soon.

And he can't hold off the temptation..

Temptation to blog, I might add. It has been almost one month since the last post (which drew quite a bit of, well, attention to my 'standard of English' ) and I intended to starve myself of Internet for a month, effectively trying to do an Internet fasting period. Lord knows how I suffered. Yet, life hasn't been all dreadful to me here. The longer one stays here in this isolated college, the more life's simple things seem more obvious.

Being the romanticist I am, sometimes things that were taken for granted can jump out at you and make you breathless. Even more so when one has been living for nothing but studies and the ultimate aim of just surviving it all. Speaking of surviving, the Advanced Subsidiary examination was.. daunting? Too early to say still, since we have only covered 5 papers, with 4 more to go. The last two papers for me were disastrous. Sickening and not at all up to par. Makes me cringe everytime I think of the stupid mistakes I made. Bleargh.

I can't wait to go back to Kuching. Speaking of which, some of my friends are going over for a little trip to see Kuching for the first time. Estella and I shall be their tour guides of sorts.

I miss Sarawak laksa so damn much.

I miss my friends at Kuching too. The crazy dudes and dudettes. The good old days. Alas, some things are not meant to last. Memories that linger between the undefined boundary of oblivion and eternity float like a petty wooden boat in the middle of a raging sea. Raging sea of clashing emotions and regrets.

4 more papers to go. I will get through this.



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He panted and tried to catch his breath. His heart beat like a violent war drum, unceasing and ever forceful. His vision was clearer. Everything appeared to move slower and even Time itself seemed to lag. The adrenaline rush had been a boon. Had it been otherwise, he might have been slain, just like that, in the midst of the Plains of Norgrod.

They had been ambushed by a marauding platoon of Krugs. Those vile creatures - warlike, barbaric and vicious, living a life of savagery, sworn enemies of the Empire. Nobody knows where they came from. The mystics at the arcane sanctum of Arnorminas knew enough that they had a primal instinct for dominance and went to war under the guidance of a shadowy patriarchal figure. The people knew enough that when they came, they left only a trail of destruction behind. The soldiers knew enough that in battle, they have to rely on their wits and muster every ounce of courage and strength to survive. For these Krugs are born warriors, their eyes shone with bloodlust, their armours thick, shields broad and axes deadly.

It was a fact he had to learn the hard way. The lesson was reinforced and hammered into his head once again when he looked down. Only then did he realise the agonising pain in his upper arm. Had it not been for the rerebrace and pauldron, his whole left arm would have been sliced clean off his shoulder joint. His right thigh bled from an arrow that managed to punch a hole right through the coat of chainmail. He groaned, reached down and pulled it out. This one wasn't poisoned, he thought as he examined it. Not many in the army had his good luck then.

The rest were treading carefully around the bodies and discarded weapons. None had fallen. Good. They were not supposed to fall like toy soldiers that easily. It was what the training was for. Some recovered useful materials. The others piled the dead Krugs into a heap.

"Burn everything, do not leave anything behind. These Krugs are resourceful." he ordered the men. "We shall move out by nightfall. Those of you who are wounded, patch yourselves up and rest lightly. We have to move quickly. The fire would draw the rest from the mountains, if indeed they are intending to push southwest into the outlying villages. We do not want our heads rolling on the fields now, do we?" That drew some laughters from the men. Spirits were high, their morale undented.

That night, under the rare soft beam of the full moon, they marched on ahead, leaving behind a burnt, smoking pile. They held their heads high, fearless, even as the distant sound of the dreaded wardrums closed in behind them.

Storm is brewing..

As he sat on the silent stone steps of the fortress, he gazed into the far distance, where the sky was eternally darkened by a malice so intent, it tainted the northern sky black. A flash of lightning lit the sky, briefly revealing a wide field of nothingness. Here, he sat, contemplating the future that awaits him. It was so quiet. It was the calm before the storm.

Storm.. A storm is brewing. With it, a furious gale of unforgiving force of terror will rip apart anyone foolish enough to enter it unprepared.

He still remembered. How he, among thousands others, thousands of the best soldiers from the Empire's army were chosen for the elite fighting force. An elite fighting force so renown all over the Empire that it became a dream for every soldier to be part of it. He had friends who failed to be chosen. Yet when the official scroll of appointment came, he was a tad surprised to see that he, along 25 other soldiers of different creed, would be sent to garrison an outpost far in the cold, dark northern reaches of the Empire. An outpost so notorious for its distance from civilisation, only a handful were posted there. In his heart, he thought.. why the tiny troop? 26? Suicidal, considering the dangers that would be faced by them when they travel the perilous journey to garrison their new posts.

A soft breeze ruffled his hair, bringing him back to reality. He blinked, let out a slow sigh and looked down. His armour is heavy. His sword is dull. His shield, scarred from countless battles, rested against the stone steps. His leather gauntlets, embellished with the Empire's royal seal and coat-of-arms of the elite army, reminded him how he had surrendered the coming years under a voluntary service, all for the glory of the Empire. Was it worth it?

He remembered how being part of the elite army was all he ever wanted. Of course it was worth it.

He looked upwards and saw the glimpse of a raven, circling high above him. Closing his eyes, he suddenly recalled the first day he stepped into the barracks, where he would be spending the next 9 months undergoing a series of grueling and harsh training to prepare for his ultimate assignment. Together with hundreds others of new recruits, he would eat, sleep, and train in the isolated barracks. They had a nasty name for that place. He couldn't remember.. it had something to do with isolation..

He remembered the first day they were gathered in front of the Field Marshal and countless other captains. They had only words of warning and not one looked too happy nor proud. They knew that not all can survive out here.

"You do or you die. You have been chosen not out of your merits, not because you deserve the honour to serve as an elite soldier. You are here to prove your worth. Fail it, you're gone. No matter how many enemies you've killed, how many battles you've endured, no matter how high your ranks were in the army, in here, you're nobody."

Not a single one who didn't shudder at the thought then. He, for one, have not the slightest inkling of how harsh the training would be. All the thought of pride, of honour of being chosen, vanished. It was not what he thought it would be. It was far from it. It was, in a sense, hellish.

A sudden rumble of thunder brought him back out of his reverie. He opened his eyes, stifled a yawn and stood up clumsily. Armour be damned.. but such is the rule. They, the chosen 26, had to adhere by the strict code. They had to undergo the harshest training since they were posted to the northern frontier. He didn't know much about the others who trained alongside them, a much larger platoon of 60. Word was the rest were going to head south.

He felt sleepy. Aching all over from the sparring tests last week, he and his comrades had a few days off to rest before the actual perilous journey. He gazed northwards again. Storm is coming, he kept thinking. In 3 weeks' they would have to traverse the rugged terrain, bracing icy gale, holding on to dear life. It would be the hardest journey they ever took.

He stretched. The bell rang, signalling the switching of guard duty. He turned back and heard metal clinking. Immediately, he saw Xuyin, an talented sword-fighter and excellent archer who was probably the best among the 26. He never saw her being tired. She was always vigilant, always ready, eyes shining and face stern. Knowledgeable and wise. He paled in comparison.

He gave her a curt nod, she nodded back. He clambered up the steps, dreading the routine sparring practice and war skills they would have to undergo for the final time before embarking from the barracks. 3 more weeks before the bloody storm. Damn it.

Yet, with each step, his steely resolve began to surge through his blood. His heart is set with an unstoppable determination, not unlike those of his comrades:

I shall survive the storm. I have to. I will.

With one last look northwards at the dark sky, he trod lightly through the silent training ground.

Life's simple surprises.

Life. Its so filled with subtle surprises that you never tire of getting high just living it out.

Today, everybody was so excited. Even though its not our last paper for the Pre-AS exam, almost everyone (in my class, that is) cannot sit/stand still because we're gonna be free for almost 5 days after the paper. The session lasted for 1 hour (by jolly, thank goodness almost everything came out from past year paper) so we rushed back to our apartments, grabbed our bags (which were already packed yesterday) and everybody else literally ran to the van, eager to go home. All except me. Make no mistake, cause I'm not going home, and I'm not taking the van. Lol my sister came to fetch me and I'll be staying here, at her apartment for the short 'holiday'. So here I am, typing happily away at her laptop, content with the decent Internet connection. Compared to KTT's 'Wi-Fi' which could've been a Stone Age technology pioneered by the Flintstones, this is sheer bliss.

Anyway, back to the topic. Life.. sheer bliss.

What have I learned for the past 2 months? The experience, of course, is invaluable.

- I learned to appreciate Physics. (GASP!)
- I learned not to rush into things.
- I learned to think and not let emotions dictate my thoughts. (it could really be disastrous)
- I learned that when people are put together, with the same purpose and same aim, bonds of unbreakable friendship can be forged.

I don't know how others feel about my last point. Maybe they don't feel the same way. I have no idea. Yet, whenever I see them laughing, joking about stupid things, enduring the same lectures by the same lecturers, fighting through the challenges together, and whenever I step into a classroom and seeing their faces, I always tell myself: this is where I wanna be. I won't not trade them for the world. Seriously. There's this special feeling of attachment I feel for them all. Perhaps it is possible, considering they're gonna be my pillar of strength for the next 6 years, so far away from home.

I suddenly thought of the guys who live one floor below my apartment. Of the fond memories: where Kian Joo would burst into songs at every fixed intervals and his voice would be heard upstairs, where we would huddle together at the balcony and ogle at girls passing below on the road, where we would joke about stupid things.. Lol.

Life could throw simple surprises at you too. Take for example the fact that Kim Moo Moo sent an e-mail to me. Gosh, she's one of my best girl pal and I miss her. So imagine my delight and pleasant surprise to see the e-mail. Lol. Even though she's having an 'Internet fasting period' which I think is ridiculous in a biblical sense of proportion.

OMG I forgot to hand in the IELTS assignment to our lecturer. Shit. LOL that's so totally random.

Back to life's simple surprises. Oh yeah, a dear dear friend of mine said something just now which was, well, unexpected but it was.. sweet I guess. o.O

Suddenly, life's surprises don't seem that simple anymore. 8D I really wonder how on good earth things like that could happen. Maybe I'm not used to it, but who knows what the future holds. o.O

Oh I watched The Dark Knight just now with my sister. I enjoy watching the Joker. For once, a villain on screen had the sheer impact on me that I literally shuddered when he first opened his mouth to speak. Heath Ledger was TOP-NOTCH. I bet my ass NO ONE can beat that stellar performance as Joker. Seriously. He was SUPERB. The only other actor who, in my humble opinion, can exude such character on screen is Johnny Depp. Too bad Ledger is.. gone. *sob* oh yeah, I heard Johnny Depp's gonna be pulled in to be cast as the next villain in the third Batman film. HELL YEAH BABE!!!! He's gonna be The Riddler alongside another villain. Christian Bale will be Batman and Sir Michael Cane as the same old lovable butler (they are both awesome in their characters). I look forward to the film.

Speaking of which, I saw the trailer for Harry Potter's upcoming film. Forgot what's the name. Then again, I think my enthusiasm for HP has waned somewhat. Not was exciting as before. I demand something that stirs the intellect, or something that is no-brainer yet enormously fun. Nothing of the sort of in-between.

Running out of ideas..

Sometimes, I wonder why I'm here, studying A-levels, enduring it all just to be able to pass and go to Czech. Why medicine? Why? I could've chosen accountancy, or economics. I could've opted for petroleum engineering when I applied for Petronas. From what I gathered, many of my classmates think I should've gone for something business-related, not least due to the fact that I LOOK and TALK like a businessman, which is.. ==" SWT. but but.. why medicine??

Why?

No matter what people plan, things turn out to be not exactly the same way they planned it. Like The Joker in the film. He's the element of Chaos, out of which FEAR itself is created. No planning, no systematic and meticulous organising.. just plain.. headlong, bang boom goodbye. Amazing. Its the same in life. No matter what you plan, things.. never seem to go they way you planned. So it leads on to the thought that, you are MEANT to do something and its etched, somewhere, that its your destiny to tread that path. Karmic laws and the whole shebang, bla bla bla. I won't go into details.



Then again, why? lol..