Reality of leaving settling in.

Yeah, I know, probably the lamest post title, ever.

These few days have been agony. Sore throat, for one. Heck its not even sore throat. More like, throat-so-sore-feel-like-shit-wanna-die kind. Yeah, THAT painful. Never had sore throat that agonizing before. Couldn't swallow, couldn't eat, drink, or even talk. The pain sort of just stayed there like this spiky metal ball thing lodged in your throat. Toss in a couple bouts of fever that keeps coming and going, then you'll have a wonderful way to spend 3 days lying in the living room watching reruns of Braveheart of Kingdom of Heaven while cursing your fate and massaging your white hot throat. Ouch. Thankfully getting a lil' better, after takin meds. And since when meds cost so much? 80 bucks for some freakin' antibiotics? Gahh.

It was pouring so heavily just now. I had the utmost pleasure of driving my parents home after dinner in that condition. All the way from Kuching Specialist Hospital (get meds) it was pouring. Literally like water coming down like waterfall. Can't see a thing. The road was like a shallow stream, and here and there there were deeper parts where water splashed up like magnificent waves when vehicles cross them. I never knew the deep puddles of water could hold such frictional force. Whole damn car slowed down almost a quarter of the speed when hitting the places. Such magnitude! Madness!

Anyway.. everybody's left for KL. Except me!! ...... stuck here trying to finish season 4 of Grey's Anatomy. Not that I complain. Lexie Grey is so damn hot. Just the kind of girl I want. Smart, kinda blur, funny, fair-skinned and tad brownish hair. *drool* if ever during my stint as houseman after finishing meds and coming back at the hospital do I come across someone like that.. OMG. Dream come true.

I'll be leaving in 2 more days. Now that I think of it, this is the moment I've been wanting to get to since Form 5. I wanted to get the hell out of Kuching so badly, just leave all those bad memories behind and start a new life somewhere. Yet now that I'm REALLY leaving.. feels kinds hollow. Ironic.

Who gives a damn, right? Each to his own. No crappy and emo shit from me saying things like 'friendship' and 'path' and 'blablawhatevermushythingsyoucanthinkof'. Its life. It goes on. I'm eager to see what's new out there. Experience new life, new friends, new culture. This is life. This IS MADNESS!! Bwahaha.

Time to take my meds.. Gahh wtf.

The Great Office War!!

I found this video on Yahoo! and it really made me smile. Kinda funny. It was really impressive though. Just watch it till the end.



I just finished packing my stuff. All my clothes and belongings occupied 3 freakin' bags. o.O

Oh well.

SimCity4 madness!

I've been killing time by playing Sim City 4. Don't laugh. No, stop it. Don't even smile.

It's fun to have control over everything. I take pleasure in seeing things grow and evolve. Building a city from scratch is almost an art form - from a small town, to a city, to a BIG city, to a metropolis with all its traffic, pollution, glitzy tall commercial buildings and public transport. Phew. I love building cities. Mwahaha. Earning tons of cash in the process is an added bonus too. Its a delicate process and is almost a superhuman skill to balance income and expenditure.

I'm taking a breather from all that city-building. Computer lags when the city becomes larger and larger. Stupid computer. Stupid lousy slow old outdated sickening computer.

First day of NOT going to school is, well, quite enjoyable. No need to wake up early and go listen to boring Chemistry lessons. 8D *nudge nudge* Then again I'll miss the crazy Maths sessions in the afternoon at the library. Miss being able to scream THIS IS MADNESS!! and KANASAI MACAM TAHI ARRGHH with me buddies. Hmm. Wondering whether I'll be able to do that over at KTT. BUT I'll need to have good friends to do that together baru got the Ooomph. For that, I'll need to find myself some friends. Before that I need to know them. Before that I need to be there first. Before that I need to start my freakin' bag. Shit. Large, freakin' bags. Feels like I'm moving my whole life there.

Then again, I AM moving my whole life there. 8D

Enough crap for now.

Tiny little update

I expected today to be a whole day filled with movie marathon, food, good times with friends and such. How disappointed I was when everybody went home after just one pathetic movie and a meal together. I guess there will always be the good memory and the quality time we spent together. We'll definitely meet each other soon. 7 years or more from now, I'm gonna see them again.

One last gathering of friends.. before going off to a whole new life filled with endless revision, lecture, study, books and the sole determination to survive A-level with excellence and get into Czech Republic.

We watched The Happening today. Frankly, M. Night Shyamalan let me down. I expected something more gory and splattered with horrifying, bloody scenes of people mutilating and destroying themselves without any expression of pain. The absence of pain part was quite catchy and worth it. Yet, I find myself wanting more scenes of gore and mindless acts of people doing frightening stuff just to scare my shit off. The movie failed to do just that. At first, the scene of a whole park full of people stopping everything they're doing and starting to walk backwards like aliens or whatever-shit-and-sickening-things-you-can-think-of was quite unnerving. The novelty wore off soon enough though.

After the movie, we went to have lunch at After 3. The eatery was very impressive. I like the overall ambience. Food was nice. Then came the parting and farewell. It was done and over with in a short time. Surprisingly. I had to send Nic off and since we had time to kill, we went to The Spring. Being the book freaks we are, MPH Bookstore naturally comes to mind when we go there. I bought 2 books - The Master Plan to Success by Napoleon Hill and Blink by Malcolm Gladwell. Both are best-selling self-help books. I have an affinity for these recently.

Running out of ideas.. Stay tuned for my next update.

Of Humility

Have you ever wondered what other people think of you? Ever wondered how others view you? What kind of impression do you leave on others? All those seemingly petty questions that keep lurking at the back of your mind ironically? I do. All the time.

Even though sometimes I strive to project an all-confident image of individuality and the sort of I-don't-give-a-shit-what-you-think attitude, the doubt and fear never really left me. I'm afraid that others ridicule me, thinking me of nothing more than a lowly, proud, vain, arrogant son of a bitch who never really deserved the coveted scholarship. In fact, this sense of self-esteem, or rather, the lack of it, has been following me since Form 4. It wasn't the issue of scholarship then, its the issue of me being me and how I carry myself in school.

I ask myself all the time: am I behaving correctly? Is this how I'm supposed to talk? How I'm supposed to communicate? How I'm supposed to treat others? Is this the way someone who got the best male student award (but probably didn't deserve it) carry himself? There are quite a lot of people who think I am arrogant. I had the liberty to ask a close friend of mine about the question. She answered me simply: " Its not the way you are.. sometimes the way you speak makes people think you are. " which drew me into this long period of contemplation. How then, do you control yourself from saying things that you don't mean? How then do you react to things, express yourself without appearing like a proud nerd? I don't mind being labelled a nerd, but I mind like hell if people think me arrogant. Who in their right mind would want to walk around the school with people throwing angry glances in his or her way, or look at him/her with a touch of disapproval in their eyes?

Sometimes, people misinterpret what I say as me being a jerk who shows off, rather than interpreting it as me having a bit of good clean fun peppered with sarcasm. That's why narrow-minded people aren't counted amongst my best of friends. It bothers me that people can't take sarcasm and humour, misinterpreting it as a real and true remark of pure arrogance coming out of me. When you decide to keep quiet instead of saying such things, they would start thinking you're being that arrogant jerk who doesn't mix with other people. What should one do then? Talk or no talk; its dead end either way.

That's why I strive to inculcate humility in myself by thinking before speaking. Maybe it is indeed true that I sometimes speak with a sense of arrogance but never in my life do I consciously want to project that kind of image, neither do I WANT to show off. I admit there are some things and certain times when my pride got ahead of me and seriously I'm not proud of those moments. Which brings me back to why I try to be humble and carry myself as someone in my shoes should. I really adore someone back then who used to be my classmate: she was the best student in my class yet she kept a low profile and was extremely humble. Why couldn't I be more like her? I know I could do it..

Therefore, my point is, no one in this world will really be honest and can tell you straight in the face that they don't care what others think. At some point in their lives, they will start to think about it. I decide to face it and confront it rather than walking away. I can't live my whole life with other people thinking me as an arrogant son of a bitch, can I? =P

The Science of Getting Rich

Is there really a science of getting rich? Much like there is a science for social study, natural science, biological science, health science, psychological science etcetera? According to the author, Wallace D. Wattles, there is indeed a science of getting rich.

In fact, Mr. Wattles drew quite a controversy after he published the book. The church deem it heretical in nature and is blasphemous. It was banned, if I'm not mistaken. Yet, after almost a century later, here I am, blogging about it after having just finished reading the whole book.

You might ask me the ultimate question - is there REALLY a science of getting rich? Personally, I'd say yes. What is outlined in the book is nothing more than a systematic system of focusing one's thoughts in achieving wealth, much related to the Law of Attraction. I can hardly have myself saying it as a 'science' per se, much like I doubt that the 'LAW' of Attraction has anything scientific in nature. However, Mr. Wattles did create a work no one else had produced and honestly, it has made me into a believer, albeit being a little bit sceptical at that.

The main ideas in the book is as follows:

THERE is a thinking stuff from which all things are made, and which, in its original state, permeates, penetrates, and fills the interspaces of the universe.

A thought in this substance produces the thing that is imaged by the thought.

Man can form things in his thought, and by impressing his thought upon formless substance can cause the thing he thinks about to be created.

In order to do this, man must pass from the competitive to the creative mind; otherwise he cannot be in harmony with the Formless Intelligence, which is always creative and never competitive in spirit.

Man may come into full harmony with the Formless Substance by entertaining a lively and sincere gratitude for the blessings it bestows upon him. Gratitude unifies the mind of man with the intelligence of Substance, so that man's thoughts are received by the Formless. Man can remain upon the creative plane only by uniting himself with the Formless Intelligence through a deep and continuous feeling of gratitude.

Man must form a clear and definite mental image of the things he wishes to have, to do, or to become; and he must hold this mental image in his thoughts, while being deeply grateful to the Supreme that all his desires are granted to him. The man who wishes to get rich must spend his leisure hours in contemplating his Vision, and in earnest thanksgiving that the reality is being given to him. Too much stress cannot be laid on the importance of frequent contemplation of the mental image, coupled with unwavering faith and devout gratitude. This is the process by which the impression is given to the Formless, and the creative forces set in motion.

The creative energy works through the established channels of natural growth, and of the industrial and social order. All that is included in his mental image will surely be brought to the man who follows the instructions given above, and whose faith does not waver. What he wants will come to him through the ways of established trade and commerce.

In order to receive his own when it shall come to him, man must be active; and this activity can only consist in more than filling his present place. He must keep in mind the Purpose to get rich through the realization of his mental image. And he must do, every day, all that can be done that day, taking care to do each act in a successful manner. He must give to every man a use value in excess of the cash value he receives, so that each transaction makes for more life; and he must so hold the Advancing Thought that the impression of increase will be communicated to all with whom he comes in contact.

The men and women who practice the foregoing instructions will certainly get rich; and the riches they receive will be in exact proportion to the definiteness of their vision, the fixity of their purpose, the steadiness of their faith, and the depth of their gratitude.

In laymen's words, you can have what you want if you visualise it in your mind, constantly forming a mental image of it and having the absolute faith that it will come to you in time. This is relatively similar to the Law of Attraction, though I must say I can't quite confirm it because I've yet to read it.

Some might see why the book was labelled as a heretical work. It challenges the common Christian belief that one must be content with whatever God gives him or her, for He has plans for everyone of us. Mr. Wattles, however, believes that life itself is constantly seeking ways to express itself, thus it will always want to expand, to grow, to give life unto others and continuously be abundant and rich. It is with this same principle that one could ask God to give him more and to give him whatever he wants, because it is God's very nature for life to be abundant and rich.

Thus, the main idea in this book is that there is no limit to how much wealth you can have, plus you can attain it without a single sense of guilt because the wealth attained is of creative form, not from competition - it materialises out of creative visualisation and not selfishness or acts of ill will. That being said, don't be confused and think the book teaches you how to mentally picture a PS3 really hard and it will pop right out of thin air before you. Rather, it puts forward a principle that if only you hold true with absolute and concrete faith that what you want will be granted in time, the infinite abundance will grant you the wealth you seek. Why? Because it is the will of life itself to be rich and abundant, and it is through that will that one could attain infinite riches. The term 'rich' here refers not only to material wealth but also wealth of all forms in life. Therefore, picture with absolute confidence and faith the thing you want, take the necessary actions in order to prepare for its arrival, and in time, wealth will come. The universe will shift and prepare a course for its arrival to you. That's the main gist of it.

I'm actually putting this 'science' to work by testing the theory. My object of desire? A brand new Dell XPS M1730 portable gaming behemoth. Let's see whether Mr. Wattle knows what he is saying. Then again, you can't blame him if he's not correct because he's dead more half a century ago.

If you're interested in the book, let me know. I have an E-book version of it and will be more than glad to send you a free copy.

LOTR madness!!

This is madness! I'm this close to finishing Lord of the Rings: Return of the King - the game on PC. Its hellishly difficult, devastatingly hard to complete (and to think I'm only on normal mode) yet really addictive once you get used to it. The level I'm on is second from the last one. Once again I'm Aragorn - King Aragorn, mind you - leading a handful of Gondor and Rohan soldiers fighting orcs before the Black Gates itself in a bid to give Frodo more time to complete the quest. Brutally mind-numbing (try to kill as many orcs as you can while protecting 3 comrades at the same time) and almost impossible to get through. Gahh.

The game revolves around what happens in the movie, of course. I'd say its one of the best movie adaptation PC game around. Graphics are really decent, special effects and GFX are quite pleasing to the eyes and the enemy AI aren't stupid, surprisingly. However, all these cannot beat the main attraction point of the game - the combo. The developers have put in quite an effort to make the characters' movements as fluid and life-like as possible - each combo/stroke/slash is projected like it should as in real life, unlike many games where you simply mash the buttons and see the animated character dish out some colourful and wonderful lights without hitting anything. In LOTR:RotK, the characters are drawn in such a way that their sword strokes and blocks follow the laws of physics: steel clash on steel instead of hitting air. Of course there are some parts of the game where technical glitch is an eyesore - orcs came charging THROUGH of the huge black gates of Mordor - but these minor details can be more than compensated with the well-executed storyline and plot.

I find myself wandering in the world of Tolkien these few days. I think continuous playing of the game has something to do with it. Middle Earth is such a wonderful fantasy realm. I intend to re-read everything when I have the chance. Which reminds me of the dusty, brand new and untouched Children of Hurin released recently, which I bought. Its almost similar to the account told in The Silmarillion but delves more on the tales about Men instead of Elves.

I took the liberty of Googling pictures of the malicious Witch-King, or more commonly known as Nazgul. They're intriguing. I came across this funny altered picture though.


Its hard to picture the Nazguls being funny. This picture shows why.


That menacing iron helmet is awesome though. The picture is that of the Witch-King himself - leader of the Nazguls, most feared and fell among them all. In other words, he's the badass, evil and dangerous liutenant of Sauron. AND he IS a Nazgul, a Ringwraith himself.

Enough about LOTR for now. I shall post more stuff about it in the future.

Spiralling oil prices - my point of view.

I just came home from dinner. From what I observed, there are less people on the road and the whole city is somehow more quiet than usual. So I deduced that its because of the recent oil price hike - 78 cents to be exact (for petrol) that caused much agony to the people.

Yet, I feel compelled to say something because I've seen how people, especially the middle income group, whine and complain about it all. What people don't realise is that the oil price now is pretty much out of the Government's hands, so no matter what you do, be it holding a street protest, hurling tomatoes at the politicians or scratch their cars, they still can't do anything. The oil price is where it is at now because of one word - speculation. Futures and option traders drive the oil price up by over-speculation, drawing on petty little news like a faulty drill pipe at some obscure offshore oil platform owned by a big foreign oil company which could POSSIBLY cause a shortage in oil to induce a spike in commodity oil price. Or maybe the ominous, yet highly improbable rumour that the US is gonna attack Iran soon, making the impending oil shortage scenario seem even real. Yet, all this is only a ploy manipulated by unscrupulous traders seeking to make a quick profit from the movements of oil prices. So in short, the real problem lies in over-speculation, not simple market dynamics or supply and demand, which many of the common people believe. If it really is oil shortage we're facing, people would be lining up at petrol stations or oil tankers would be lying idle on the seas (borrowing a quote from Datuk Idris Jala, CEO of Malaysia Airlines).

In my humble opinion, the Government's move in removing the subsidies is correct. Why? We should let free market forces dictate our economy, not the other way round. By giving fuel subsidies, we are essentially creating a very fragile and fake economy which relies on handouts, reducing efficiency, competitiveness and productivity. So what's the fuss when the Government decides to withdraw something that shouldn't be given in the first place? These people, especially business owners, are so narrow-minded. They couldn't look at the bigger picture - more competitive and productive economy is actually good for business. Give fuel subsidies equates to the act destroying Malaysia's economy in the long run.

Enough about the whining part. What we should focus on is how to overcome this problem. Common people whine because they let the spike in oil price dictate their lives. They are like Chicken Little, running around yelling that the sky is falling. Sure, it may be a troublesome affair and middle-income group might feel the pinch. Yet, the solution is not to pressure the Government to help and intervene. This only makes ourselves too lazy and dependent, not seeking ways to reduce the burden like we should be doing. The point is not to say " I cannot afford it. " We should instead say, " HOW can I afford it? " This simple statement is quoted from Robert Kiyosaki, author of best-selling 'Rich Dad Poor Dad'. By making the situation tougher than it already is, our brains juices will flow to start seeking other ways to afford our current lifestyle even with the increase in oil price.

We let ourselves get pushed around. When oil prices increase, we run around like Chicken Little. We say we cannot afford this or that. We're gonna say life is unfair. This is when the world pushes us around. What we never realise is how NOT to let the world do that. The world is fair. Push back, and you won't get pushed around. Most people live in the rat race. They earn an income, use most of it and have little left at the end of the month. Why could they not just take a portion of the salary and invest it first before spending it? That's why the rich gets richer and the middle-income group stay at where they are. I simply respect Mr. Kiyosaki for his wise teachings. His book is profound and contains many simple reasonings. I respect the power of capitalism. Of course, people say capitalism as an economic system is brutal and unfair. However, learn to harness it, and you could get out of the rat race and be financially free. This principle is more important now, what with the oil prices going up and all.

My conclusion is, if you are one of those people who complain about oil prices, think again. You're letting the world push you around. Rising oil prices is just a mere ploy, a simple market dynamics of over-speculation. Its not even REAL. So live with it, people, and start thinking of HOW to overcome it instead of letting it control your lives.

Maths insanity!!

These few days have been nothing more than mindless routine of going to school, seriously paying attention in chemistry, maths & biology lessons plus diligent completion of homework. I'm beginning to get used to it. Hopefully A level will be a tad easier than this, though if it isn't, I ain't complaining cause the routine is, well, hardwired in my mind since the days of SPM.

Today stayed back at school to have study session with the study group. Actually.. its more like a study trio. There wasn't even a group to begin with. o_O" Yet, we had fun grinding the mind-screwing and insidiously difficult Maths. Which left me with a throbbing headache after two hours of pure concentration and insanity filled with laughter. Yee haa. I share a bittersweet, love-hate relationship with Maths.

From what I heard, A level at KTT for those who are going to Czech involves three subjects only - Chemistry, Biology and Physics. Mention Physics and I'll gape in horror. Its one of my killer subject. Shiet. Hope it won't be difficult.

I now long for a really loyal companion who is just honest and fun to be with. As days go by I miss my best buddy more and more. *sigh* all the funny moments, all the stupid jokes, all the times we've been together.. really miss those bygone days.

GAHHHHhhh.... *lonely* .. its just really different.

New blog look and updates

Tadaa! I officially unveil the new look of my blog. Tee hee. The theme is centred around The Hobbit. I think this new template screams how much of a LOTR fan I am. I simply love the warm feel and aged look of the design.

Anyways, I decided not to continue on my mindless pursuit of blogging on a personal domain. It costs way too much money and well, just not worth the trouble at the moment. Plus I'm not keen on achieving blogging stardom or anything, so yeah, this blog shall suit my needs for now.

Not to mention I lost RM68 because that damned cheating hosting company terminated my account.

I did some 'cleaning up' of this blog - removed intrusive ads, outdated stuff, useless info etc. Bla bla. Deleted some, I might say, controversial posts (which probably earned me lifelong hatred by a stalking stranger) as well.

Today Lower 6 teaching started. The time has finally come for me to jump-start my slumbering and decaying brain. Thank goodness. Any longer and I might become a dumbo. o.O yet, I feel a strange emptiness and numbness. I guess going to school without all the familiar faces of my closest friends - the katak gang - makes my heart ache a bit. Call me emo. I don't care. They're my best buddies. Fate has it we're gonna be seperated and strewn all over the world. LOL.. JJ in Miri, Hann in NZ, and I'm leaving this place soon too. Really sympathise with Jaws. Sigh.

Quite surprised it took this long to feel the sadness.